A Strong-Willed Child: Can do and won’t do By Daniel Brown

You Do the Math
Is your child exhibiting more of the characteristics listed below than not?
Will fight in any manner to get their way?
“That’s mine and will always be mine” behavior?
Doesn’t understand or respond to any aspect of the word “no?”
Frustrated when they can’t accomplish something they think they should be able to accomplish?
Everything they do seems to be done at super speed Their rules are the only rules?
Sound familiar? Yes, your child is strong willed.

Let’s Be Clear
Let’s be clear on what a strong willed child is not. A strong willed child not is trying to destroy your family. They do not desire to “be bad”. They are not masters of manipulation; they only believe they should be able to master anything. They don’t lack the ability to understand, be responsible or listen; they are very intelligent and are seeking a way to control the world they are in with as little resistance as possible. They aren’t behind others in development, they are ahead of others and frustrated with those who in their minds won’t catch up with them.
Finding Peace for All So, what can families do with a strong willed child? The “what to do” or “how to do” has been written about by many experts and you can find this advice in many books. You should spend more time learning and practicing the “when to do” part of dealing and helping strong willed children. How many of you would agree that strong willed children are a gift? For those of you who do, I applaud you. You are most likely already making greater strides than you know in helping your strong willed child. Strong willed children are born with a temperament that is very diverse. The temperament of a strong willed child is like a boat traversing across waters they see as stormy and are fighting their boat at every turn. They want so much to reach the distant shore and single-mindedly believe they can get there without any help. Even if you are allowed to be a ship mate, you will be treated much worse than a shipmate who travelled with Captain Bligh. When you discover when to help them and when to just let them be in their “full steam ahead” way, everyone will be happier and experience more peace.

When to Help and When to Let It Go
Before you learn when to help it is necessary to do some reading on types of temperament in children. There are only four types of temperament even though it seems there ought to be
at least forty. To help you get started in your research about these types, let me give you four short descriptions.

Types of Temperament
The first temperament, I call the “Super Kid” temperament. Super Kids are outgoing and loaded with energy. So much energy, they can’t keep it in check. Super Kids are the most emotional of the four temperaments. Bursts of all kinds of emotions can be expected at every turn. The second temperament, I call the “Wolverine” temperament. Wolverines thrive on activity. Wolverines are all about quick decisions. Wolverines tend to drive right through and over anything in their way. Wolverines have the most problem with anger.

The third temperament, I call the “Little Professor”. Little Professors are perfectionists. They are moody and they abhor change. Little Professors tend to be “all or nothing” in their evaluation of things in life. Little Professors are intolerant and impatient with those who do not see things their way.

The fourth temperament, I call the “Easy Rider”. Calm and steady, but very stubborn. Easy Riders are not motivated and will do anything to do little of anything. Easy Riders do not
engage in activities that force them to take action. Easy Riders can be quite selfish.

How Will I Know When to Help?
At The Behavioral Advantage we can teach you effective strategies for dealing with your strong willed child. Knowing when to help or even re-direct will take practice. We can teach you how
to execute behavioral planning that will benefit all members of your family.

Please call us today. You deserve peace in your home. We can help you. The first family consultation in your home is free. Be sure and read next month’s article on The Resilient Child: Preparing Your Child to Return to School.