5 Ways You Can Prepare and Toughen Up Your Child By Judy M. Miller

My daughter recently went on an exchange trip with her teachers and classmates. She was out of the country for ten days without me, her dad, or her siblings. She did great. In fact, she was so excited that her bag was packed a full week before her trip. As she calmly hugged and kissed us good-bye I took time to reflect on how she arrived in that place of calm confidence. How do parents prepare and toughen up their kids?

Start small and build from there
Encourage your child to explore and challenge herself. Think of when your child learned to ride a bike; you didn’t have her start on a hill. You had her start on a flat surface and, if you were like me, it was grass. I never would have considered sending my daughter out of the country when she was eight or nine, but I did send her away to overnight camps so that she could get used to being apart. She was away longer each consecutive year; her confidence and independence grew. In turn, I learned to let go a little more each time.

Admit and face your fears
Your child absorbs your fears, just like she absorbs your values and sense of humor. What are you afraid of? Yes, bad things can happen. They can happen anywhere at any time. How will she test herself and gain confidence in her abilities if she is fearful or not able to overcome real or perceived obstacles? Remember that far more good things happen than bad. Try to model confidence and a positive outlook.

Teach your child safety and to look out for others
Safety is a key issue with all parents. We begin teaching safety as soon as our children join us. I didn’t put my child on a plane and say, “See you later.” I prepared her through the years on matters like staying with her group, always having a buddy, no talking to strangers, being aware of her surroundings, washing her hands, looking both ways before she crossed the street—you get the idea. We talked about other situations that might come up. Kids would be together in close contact for a long period of time and become edgy. There might be issues with privacy or a friend who was homesick.

Prepare your child to adapt to new surroundings and to the unexpected
Talk to your child about what to expect. A well-prepared child has knowledge and options to adapt if necessary. For example, my daughter was traveling where sanitation could be a problem and because of that food safety was a concern. Caution about what she ate and drank was paramount; eating and drinking like the locals would most likely make her sick. Decisions about what she ate and drank would be hers. We role played, important reinforcement for my salad-loving girl, since I wouldn’t be there to remind her. Fresh and unpeeled vegetables were not going to be an option unless she was assured that they were washed with purified water.

Try something new
Doing something for the first time can be scary. It can also be fun, exciting, and empowering. Show your child how to venture out and explore new by modeling, like trying a new food. Watching you try, explore and discover instills courage in your child to do the same. Kids feel a sense of accomplishment when they have tried something new, whether they like it or not. They grow from the exposure and experience. My daughter is proud that she traveled and experienced a different culture without her family. She’s ready to travel to a new destination again.

One of our jobs as parents is to give our children skill sets to navigate their worlds. Knowledge and skills provide kids with a basis for building confidence and resilience that they will require as adults. Skills and confidence take time, but with your help, guidance, and encouragement it will happen.

Judy M. Miller is a freelance writer living in the Midwest with her husband and four children.